The caring of doing

Our community has been reeling from the tragic loss of a young boy from a very rare cancer. On Friday hundreds, maybe more, turned out to his funeral on a glorious spring day, flocks of migrating storks, pelicans and kites high above escorting him on his final journey. His parents are some of the most dignified and noble people, turning this heartbreaking occasion in to a celebration of a short but beautiful life. So much laughter through the tears.

We came home smelling of rosemary, pine and cypress, common native species planted at cemeteries here to offer comforting, pleasant fragrances. I just wanted to mask those scents though with something strong and life affirming.

I guess cooking itself is a life affirming activity and it was good to be together in the kitchen, even if we were throwing together our Shabbat meal on autopilot. DH made a chulent with kishke from the freezer seasoned with half a jar of tandoori paste he found in the fridge and a copious amount of fresh spring garlic from the garden.

I grabbed some chicken drumsticks from the freezer and turned them in to a riff on doro wat, subbing potato chunks for the boiled eggs as we were out of eggs, inhaling the warm vibrant fragrance of the berbere seasoning mix and the coconut oil based (non-dairy) niter kibbeh blend. Put some aside in the freezer to take to the mourners later in the week.

DH put up a pot of basmati to go with the saucy stew and warmed a pot of vegetable rich turkey neck soup from the freezer with extra to take over to a family who's mother has just had major surgery. Found tinned pumpkin puree and condensed (non-dairy) coconut cream this week, so also threw together a couple of quick pumpkin pies to take round as well.

Even when you feel totally drained Friday is Friday and there are Shabbat meals to prepare and errands to be done. The immediate family the mourners, they are the only ones who step back, take a week out of time to focus on their grief and loss. The rest of the community keeps up the rhythm of life for them, tries to offer consolation just by being there. I don't think that anyone knows how to comfort a family facing such a loss, the doing is there perhaps to give the wider community a way to care when there are no words.